Giving of yourself.

I will try really hard to make this not be a "I am the humblest person I know" post.

It all kind of started right after we moved here. I was not here quite 3 weeks when they threw me into a church calling I pretty much knew I was going to get, working with the youth. Over the past 2 weeks I have really been torn about my calling. I have felt like I have been spread too thin. With time for work, Family, recreation, and recreation I just feel like I am out of time.

On the weekend of the 15th I had the opportunity of going to the temple with the youth and I had a stellar experience. It really confirmed to me that I was in the right place at the right time. The church side of my calling has been great. I love teaching the boys and for some reason I do well teaching the youth. They seem to respond well to my teaching style.

The part I have been struggling with is the Scouting part. When I was issued the call at church there was no mention of scouting. I thought cool, they have a scoutmaster that does it all separate. Well on the next Sunday they sustained me at church as 2nd counselor in the Young Men's Presidency, Deacons Quorum advisor, and scoutmaster... I was a little puzzled to say the least. There had been no mention of scouts in my interview with the Bishop. Later that week I went to the house of the old scoutmaster and he handed me stacks and stacks of stuff. I was thinking Oh crap, I can't do this... I'm not that organized... So regardless of those feelings I have been trying my best to figure out what is going on.

One thing that hasn't helped my negative outlook has been the fact that every Sunday for the first 4 weeks or so of the calling I and my parents had been told by parents and other leaders how the youth all thought I was the coolest leader ever. This was coming from kids who were not even in my class on Sunday and I had a little contact with them but not a whole lot. So I am back to being the cool guy... Sometimes that is very frustrating to me, because then so much is expected of me. So the praise is to me a double edged sword.

So I have been talking with my wife about my discomfort for the past month of so and last night I begrudgingly went to the local scout Round Table. Upon arriving, we were raffling off dates for the local Camping area and Cabin for dates for the next year. I got like 4 dates over the next year. Then we proceeded to business. Needless to say I had a lot of questions and actually had a lot of input for the other scout leaders from the other troops. I felt like a fish in water and all of the feelings of inadequacy left immediately. When I was leaving, the rep from the council came up to me and shook my hand and said "I am so glad you are here, we really need people like you to make this program what it can be to the youth.". after chatting with a few of the other scout leaders about the first aid clinic we are having this weekend I heard the same thing from lots of the other area scoutmasters. They were looking at what to do about making a district website so being a sucker to help in all I can I volunteered to take it on as webmaster. The only really ironic thing is that I am a scoutmaster in the Stevens District in Stevens county, WA.

So needless to say on the way home I cried. I knew that the feelings of inadequacy were not appropriate and I need to deal with the fact that as I give of myself freely, the Lord will continue to strengthen me in all I do, just like he did in KS. So I have to keep learning to fight my inner demons that do not want to have to be the guy that people can count on... Because the Lord will help make me that guy

Even in Scouting.